ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
