There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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