i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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