and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
