i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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