Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
