I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize