I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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