I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
