The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
