Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
