listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come share oat with me in your robe
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
