So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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