Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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