Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
