I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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