And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
