she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
