look no pants
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
