I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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