We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
