your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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