just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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