the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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