he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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