just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize