I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Don't tell me you're on acid again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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