Ambien. No doubt about it.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
