Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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