i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize