And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
