i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
