i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
