Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
