he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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