you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
