Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
