You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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