Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
