I have demons in me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize