I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Text me some of your sweat
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