Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
