I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
