Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
