"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
