Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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