I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize