Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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