What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
