I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize