She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
