Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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