I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
