I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
