At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
