The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
