so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
