walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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