Banned from zoo.
Again?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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