OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
