Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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