What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
