....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
