My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
