and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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