tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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